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merryfuture2025-01-04 03:05 pm
staygame) wrote in merryfuture2025-01-04 03:05 pm
Entry tags:
i saw you in my dream: come back to the start (2024)
come back to the start (ao3 link, see original work for author's notes) | i saw you in my dream, yu/ai, explicit, 3.2k words
tags: childhood frenemies to lovers, growing up, references to canonical character death, no archive warnings apply
---
Yu is eight and there's a new family moving in next door. With the help of his trusty binoculars (the most prized of this year's birthday presents), Yu watches from the living room as furniture is unloaded from the back of a moving truck. First a mattress, then a stack of boxes, and then a table that takes two men to carry.
"What are you doing?" Yo asks, dropping down next to Yu and leaning in close. "Play dinosaurs with me."
"I'm busy," Yu says. A shiny SUV has pulled up on the street in front of the house. "I'm looking for clues."
"And what have you learned about the new neighbors, Detective Yu?" his mom calls out from the kitchen.
Two adults emerge from the car, a mom and a dad. The mom comes around to the rear and when she opens the backdoor, Yu catches a glimpse of stubby legs.
"There's a kid!" Yu announces
Yo tugs on Yu's binoculars. "Let me see."
"Hey, get your own," Yu protests, elbowing Yo out of the way.
Through his binoculars, Yu watches the kid climb out of the car. He's wearing a striped yellow t-shirt and he has a head full of thick, curly hair. He's also, much to Yu's disappointment, a little kid, probably close to Yo's age.
Yu sighs and lets the binoculars fall. "Nevermind, he's just a baby like Yo," he says.
"I'm not a baby!" Yo shouts. "Mom!"
The next day, Yu is dragged away from his Doraemon movie to properly meet the new neighbors. He's given the job of carrying a heavy basket of fruit as his mom and dad lead them across the yard. The husband and wife who lived here before mostly kept to themselves and, standing in front of the door, it's the first time Yu has seen the house up close. He knows they look the same from the outside, but it's a little weird to see a mirror image of his own house, familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.
The dad comes to the door first. "Hi, we're the Silpakarnsakul family. We live next door," Yu's mom says. She nudges him forward and he extends the fruit basket.
"It's so great to meet you!" the neighbor dad says, taking the basket from Yu. "Come in, come in. You should meet my wife and my son. Mom, Ai, the neighbors are here!"
From the kitchen, a mom and a child emerge. The child hides behind his mom's leg as they cross the living room. When they reach the door, the neighbor mom gently pushes the boy forward.
"Look, Ai, the boys next door are your age," she says.
This is Yu's first impression of Ai. Chubby cheeked with a head full of hair, peering around his mom .
"I'm four!" Yo shouts.
This gets Ai to smile. "Me too!"
"Then I'm P'Yu to you," Yu says. He puffs up his shoulders, making himself taller.
"P'Yu," Ai repeats. He smiles.
Yu is eleven and to him, there's nothing more fun than messing with Ai. He's had years of experience teasing Yo and it's getting old by now, not to mention that Yo is finally tall enough to fight back and he knows where Yu sleeps. (Not that Yo would ever do anything—he's too dumb for revenge.)
Ai's reactions, though—they're still satisfying.
Take, for example, the time Yu planted a toy spider in Ai's bed. Yu had watched from his bedroom window as Ai pulled back his sheets to discover the spider. Ai jumped back and away from his bed with a cry that Yu couldn't hear, but could easily imagine. Soon, Ai's dad rushed into the room, cautious at first as Ai pointed frantically at the bed, then breaking into a laugh as he picked up the fake spider and held it out for Ai to see. Ai's mouth fell open in surprise before quickly twisting up into a scowl. He looked knowingly out of the window in Yu's direction and Yu ducked down under the window, still laughing.
The next day, Ai threw the fake spider at Yu's head and Yu, feigning innocence, pretended to have no idea where it came from.
Or the time Yu snuck a few drops of food coloring into Ai's toothbrush, dyeing his mouth blue for two whole days. Even though the prank got his PlayStation privileges revoked for a week, it was totally worth it to catch a glimpse of Ai's blue teeth.
But sometimes, even when Yu isn't causing trouble for the fun of it, it's nice to have Ai next door. Like when Ai's dad teaches Yu how to make a coin disappear with sleight of hand. Or when Yu gets bored with Yo gone at badminton practice and lets Ai come over to play with his Beyblades, and Ai is so careful with them, giving the honor of sharing cool toys more importance than Yo ever has.
In the end, Yu thinks maybe it's a good thing that it's not a kid his own age living next door. Being an older brother is more fun anyway.
Yu is thirteen and everything has changed. His parents left for vacation and now they're never coming back.
The days and weeks after pass in a blur. Yu remembers the smell of the flowers, the sounds of hymns, and the feeling of lacquered wood under his fingers as he touched each of the coffins one last time before they were lowered into the ground.
Ai's mom and dad take care of them in the days before Auntie Jib and Uncle Chet arrive from Surat. Yu and Yo are allowed to take the whole week off from school, but when it's time for them to return, it's Ai's mom who comes over to make sure their uniforms are ironed and that they eat breakfast before leaving.
The house is weirdly quiet. Yo hasn't picked up his badminton racket since the day their parents died and his usual cheerfulness has faded, like a TV channel left on mute. Even with Auntie Jib and Uncle Chet around, the sounds of daily life are just different. He misses the sound of his mom singing under her breath while doing her makeup in the mirror, the heavy shuffle of his dad's footsteps as he lumbered to bed after falling asleep on the couch, even the silence of a shared glance when Yu and Yo were fighting, his mom and dad wordlessly deciding which one would deal with them.
When Yo finally does resume his badminton practice, Yu drags his feet going home from school, unwilling to return to the empty house any earlier than he has to.
Ai finds him on the swings at the local park. "Here," Ai says, standing in front of Yu's swing and thrusting something at him. "This is for P'Yu."
It's a card. Yu unfolds the white construction paper and he feels a lump forming in his throat. It's his family. Ai has drawn the four of them standing outside of their house, standing in descending height order, their stick figure arms reaching out and touching. He's added angel wings behind Yu's mom and dad, highlighter yellow halos above their heads.
"I miss your mom and dad too," Ai says.
"Thank you," Yu says, gripping the paper tight in his hands. "This is really nice."
"P'Yu, if it would make you feel better, you can put my underwear in the freezer or make me sit on a whoopee cushion at church."
"What?" Yu asks, letting out a laugh despite himself.
"I don't like seeing P'Yu sad," Ai says.
Yu swallows hard. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to wipe away the tears before they can fall. It's embarrassing to cry in front of Ai. "You know how you can help?" Yu asks.
"How?"
Yu pats the swing next to him. "Just sit with me."
Ai sits down, the metal chain creaking. In the distance, Yu can hear other children laughing and playing. For the first time in a month, Yu feels a little bit okay.
Yu is twenty and his nongs are growing up.
Of course, he's well aware that Yo is getting older. For one, Yo sat him down last year and announced, "Phi, I'm fifteen now. You don't need to take care of me all the time. You should get your own life." (Harsh, but the kick in the butt Yu needed to join the photography club at his university.) For another, Yo had a growth spurt over the summer that nearly closed the gap between him and Yu.
But just because the passage of time is inevitable doesn't mean that Yu is ready to raise a teenager and he's definitely not ready to stumble upon his brother horizontal on the couch with a classmate.
"Ahem," Yu coughs.
The two of them spring apart, scrambling to assemble themselves into a more appropriate position. Yu is mildly surprised that he doesn't recognize Yo's classmate, a skinny boy with braces; he always thought Yo was into Ai's friend, Ing.
The boy gives an immediate wai as Yo rubs at his eyebrow and looks away. "Hello P'Yu, I'm Teng."
"Nice to meet you," Yu says. "Your shirt is unbuttoned."
Teng leaves not long after, practically fleeing the scene. When he's gone, Yo huffs and slumps back against the couch cushions.
"You freaked him out," Yo says.
"How?"
"With your whole scary big brother thing. Your face."
"This is just what my face looks like," Yu says, but he does try to relax his frown. He sits down next to Yo. "When did you start dating?"
"We're not even dating," Yo mumbles. "We're just having fun."
"Does Teng know that?"
Yo rolls his eyes. "Yes, he does. It's not even that serious. Everyone my age is, you know. Dating, hooking up."
It doesn't matter that Yu was also sixteen when he started going on dates, when he had his first kiss with his lab partner, Sokaew, and when he got to second base with an older boy named Peak. It doesn't matter because in Yu's eyes, Yo is still the little brother crawling into his bed after a bad dream.
"Ai's not doing it," Yu says for lack of any better rebuttal.
"Yes he is. He told me he already had his first kiss."
Yu gapes at Yo. It's not like he's missed Ai growing up either (he barely let Ai live down his voice cracks a few years ago) but this just feels wrong, off limits. It doesn't make any sense. He wants to know who Ai is kissing—boys, girls, both? For some reason Yu thinks about Por, one of Ai's church choir seniors. They're always laughing and joking with each other.
"So see, don't be overprotective," Yo continues on, oblivious to Yu's disbelief. "And I don't need The Talk just because dad's not here."
And for a split second, a thought— one that is more startling than the idea of Ai out there kissing people—crosses Yu's mind: it doesn't make any sense because Ai is his.
Yu is twenty-three and he's fighting with his girlfriend.
Or maybe not fighting—that would be too intentional, too decisive. What's really happening is more like there's an awkward air hanging between them and neither of them are doing anything about it.
At the start, dating Pan had been easy. She was the most popular girl in the Comm Arts faculty and Yu was pleased when she noticed him, when she acknowledged his flattery ("P'Panpan, I think you'd be way better than that brand's current model") with a light slap against his arm or a shy smile. Their first date was to the aquarium and they kissed for the first time in the corner of the jellyfish exhibit, dark except for the neon glow of the fish.
When Pan graduated, she picked up a few jobs; a bit part in a skincare commercial, modeling for clothing brands on Instagram. It felt like enough at first, a foot in the door. She would come to Yu beaming with each new opportunity.
But now it's been over a year and despite her hustle, Pan's most notable work to date is still a commercial for kid's cereal. She puts on a brave face in front of casting agents and producers, but Yu can see the slump in her shoulders with every rejection call. He tries to be there for Pan, but it seems like defeat has turned their relationship brittle, the cracks in their foundation forming sharp edges.
They're not exactly fighting, but when Yu's boss suggests he add some portraits on film to his portfolio, he doesn't ask Pan. He doesn't bother asking Yo either, because Yo doesn't have any time for him these days. This leaves:
"You owe me," Ai says when he arrives at the studio.
"Many people would consider themselves lucky to be photographed by me," Yu says.
"Oh?" Ai asks, dropping his bag. He's come straight from university, wearing a crisp, white uniform shirt. It will be a nice blank slate, Yu thinks. "Why don't you ask them to model for you then?"
Yu smiles. It's fun when Ai teases back.
He positions Ai in the middle of the white backdrop, then checks through the viewfinder. "Can you turn your body to the left a bit?" Yu instructs, making minor adjustments as Ai shuffles around. "More towards me? Okay, then just kind of stare into the distance."
After a few shots of Ai standing, Yu grabs a stool, setting it close to the tripod for a more intimate portrait.
"Hey, P'Yu?" Ai asks as Yu swaps one lens for another.
"Yeah?"
"Is there something going on with you and P'Panpan? I just noticed you've been home a lot more these days."
Yu's fingers twitch against the camera. "Everything's fine," he says, twisting the lens until it clicks into place.
"You know, you can always come to me if you need someone to talk to."
"I know. Hey, do you mind if I—?" Yu steps out from behind the camera, gesturing at Ai's collar. Ai nods, and Yu goes to work straightening his collar. Ai's face is too open, too honest. Yu can tell there's more Ai wants to say so before he can, Yu asks, "What about you? Any relationship news?"
"No," Ai says, a little sheepish. "There's no one interested in me."
Yu moves onto Ai's hair, parting the curls covering Ai's forehead. "I find that hard to believe."
"Really?" Ai asks.
Ai looks up at Yu and their eyes meet, at which point Yu becomes suddenly aware of how close he's gotten to Ai. He has one hand balanced on Ai's shoulder and the other is brushing against Ai's forehead, the skin warm and smooth under his fingers.
Yu takes a big step backwards, managing to avoid tripping on the tripod. "I'm sure you'll meet someone soon," he says.
A look passes over Ai's face, something Yu can't quite read, and then Ai laughs it off. "Yeah, hopefully."
Yu is twenty-four and he's trying his best not to lose his mind. He has Ai underneath him, half-naked and hips pushing up against Yu, and all of the control that Yu has exerted over the last few months not to wake up humping Ai every time they've shared a bed together is fading rapidly. Like all he needed was the permission to stop being the responsible, respectful P'Yu for his horny brain to take over.
He's happy, too, and the affection bubbling up in his chest alongside his desire makes Yu laugh again, tucking his face into Ai's neck. He can't believe that they're here, that after all this time it's still Ai, the center of his attention.
"What?" Ai asks.
"Nothing," Yu says, and kisses one of the freckles on Ai's neck.
Ai draws in a soft gasp as Yu kisses lower, sliding his hands down Ai's chest as he goes, thumbs brushing Ai's nipples. He stops when he gets to Ai's waistband, looking back up at Ai just to check.
With some maneuvering, Yu gets Ai's shorts and underwear off. He takes a moment and sits back on his heels, looking at Ai, his soft stomach and thighs, his hard cock. Ai swats at him with his hand, ears and cheeks red, shy under Yu's gaze.
Yu lowers his mouth to the head of Ai's cock and Ai's hips twitch. Ai apologizes, and Yu reassures him with a pat on the thigh as he takes Ai in deeper, swallowing down. He wraps his fingers around the base of Ai's cock where his throat can't reach (not without some more recent practice, anyway), pumping with his hand and mouth in time until Ai whines his name.
"P'Yu," Ai says, shaking Yu's shoulder. "I don't want to come yet. I want you to be inside me."
And it's not like Yu is going to say no to that. He strips out of his own pants, nearly kneeing Ai in the balls in his rush. He crawls back to the top of the bed with Ai's blanket covering them, not wanting Ai to feel exposed.
Ai gestures to his side table. "There's stuff in the drawer."
Yu gets distracted for a moment with Ai right in front of him, kissing him again and again until Ai makes an insistent noise and Yu reaches for the drawer.
"Hey, Ai, you have to tell me if there's something you don't like," Yu says as his fingers trail down the curve of Ai's ass to his entrance.
"I know," Ai says. "Just put it in already."
Yu takes his time, though. His own cock is almost painfully hard but it's important to him to get this right, to make it as good for Ai as possible, to not let him down. He opens up Ai with his fingers first until Ai is relaxed, then Yu pushes his cock inside him. The heat and the tightness and the rush of Ai's whimpering breaths are almost too much at once. Yu grips Ai's side with his hand, pressing a quick kiss to Ai's back as he starts to thrust, and he thinks next time they'll do this with Ai on his back so Yu can watch Ai's face, catalog the expressions that go with the noises Ai is making.
Ai comes first with a gasping breath, his cock rubbing against the sheets. His muscles tighten around Yu's cock and then Yu is coming too.
He drops down against Ai, legs going weak. It's hot under the blanket and Ai's back is sticky with sweat and Yu is probably crushing him, but Ai doesn't seem to mind. He cranes his neck, barely able to reach Yu's mouth for a kiss. He's smiling, and even though it didn't last that long, Yu feels kind of proud. He made Ai come.
"Was that good?" Yu asks later, when he's unstuck himself from Ai's back and disposed of the used condom wrapped in a thick wad of toilet paper in the bathroom. They put a towel over the damp spot on the sheets because Ai said he couldn't risk running into his parents on his way to the linen closet.
"Really good," Ai says.
"Better than you imagined?" Yu asks.
Ai lets out a sharp laugh, then looks away sheepishly.
"What?"
"Nothing," Ai says, waving a hand. "Better than I imagined, yeah."
Yu doesn't question it further. "Good," he says, and pulls Ai in close.
tags: childhood frenemies to lovers, growing up, references to canonical character death, no archive warnings apply
---
Yu is eight and there's a new family moving in next door. With the help of his trusty binoculars (the most prized of this year's birthday presents), Yu watches from the living room as furniture is unloaded from the back of a moving truck. First a mattress, then a stack of boxes, and then a table that takes two men to carry.
"What are you doing?" Yo asks, dropping down next to Yu and leaning in close. "Play dinosaurs with me."
"I'm busy," Yu says. A shiny SUV has pulled up on the street in front of the house. "I'm looking for clues."
"And what have you learned about the new neighbors, Detective Yu?" his mom calls out from the kitchen.
Two adults emerge from the car, a mom and a dad. The mom comes around to the rear and when she opens the backdoor, Yu catches a glimpse of stubby legs.
"There's a kid!" Yu announces
Yo tugs on Yu's binoculars. "Let me see."
"Hey, get your own," Yu protests, elbowing Yo out of the way.
Through his binoculars, Yu watches the kid climb out of the car. He's wearing a striped yellow t-shirt and he has a head full of thick, curly hair. He's also, much to Yu's disappointment, a little kid, probably close to Yo's age.
Yu sighs and lets the binoculars fall. "Nevermind, he's just a baby like Yo," he says.
"I'm not a baby!" Yo shouts. "Mom!"
The next day, Yu is dragged away from his Doraemon movie to properly meet the new neighbors. He's given the job of carrying a heavy basket of fruit as his mom and dad lead them across the yard. The husband and wife who lived here before mostly kept to themselves and, standing in front of the door, it's the first time Yu has seen the house up close. He knows they look the same from the outside, but it's a little weird to see a mirror image of his own house, familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.
The dad comes to the door first. "Hi, we're the Silpakarnsakul family. We live next door," Yu's mom says. She nudges him forward and he extends the fruit basket.
"It's so great to meet you!" the neighbor dad says, taking the basket from Yu. "Come in, come in. You should meet my wife and my son. Mom, Ai, the neighbors are here!"
From the kitchen, a mom and a child emerge. The child hides behind his mom's leg as they cross the living room. When they reach the door, the neighbor mom gently pushes the boy forward.
"Look, Ai, the boys next door are your age," she says.
This is Yu's first impression of Ai. Chubby cheeked with a head full of hair, peering around his mom .
"I'm four!" Yo shouts.
This gets Ai to smile. "Me too!"
"Then I'm P'Yu to you," Yu says. He puffs up his shoulders, making himself taller.
"P'Yu," Ai repeats. He smiles.
Yu is eleven and to him, there's nothing more fun than messing with Ai. He's had years of experience teasing Yo and it's getting old by now, not to mention that Yo is finally tall enough to fight back and he knows where Yu sleeps. (Not that Yo would ever do anything—he's too dumb for revenge.)
Ai's reactions, though—they're still satisfying.
Take, for example, the time Yu planted a toy spider in Ai's bed. Yu had watched from his bedroom window as Ai pulled back his sheets to discover the spider. Ai jumped back and away from his bed with a cry that Yu couldn't hear, but could easily imagine. Soon, Ai's dad rushed into the room, cautious at first as Ai pointed frantically at the bed, then breaking into a laugh as he picked up the fake spider and held it out for Ai to see. Ai's mouth fell open in surprise before quickly twisting up into a scowl. He looked knowingly out of the window in Yu's direction and Yu ducked down under the window, still laughing.
The next day, Ai threw the fake spider at Yu's head and Yu, feigning innocence, pretended to have no idea where it came from.
Or the time Yu snuck a few drops of food coloring into Ai's toothbrush, dyeing his mouth blue for two whole days. Even though the prank got his PlayStation privileges revoked for a week, it was totally worth it to catch a glimpse of Ai's blue teeth.
But sometimes, even when Yu isn't causing trouble for the fun of it, it's nice to have Ai next door. Like when Ai's dad teaches Yu how to make a coin disappear with sleight of hand. Or when Yu gets bored with Yo gone at badminton practice and lets Ai come over to play with his Beyblades, and Ai is so careful with them, giving the honor of sharing cool toys more importance than Yo ever has.
In the end, Yu thinks maybe it's a good thing that it's not a kid his own age living next door. Being an older brother is more fun anyway.
Yu is thirteen and everything has changed. His parents left for vacation and now they're never coming back.
The days and weeks after pass in a blur. Yu remembers the smell of the flowers, the sounds of hymns, and the feeling of lacquered wood under his fingers as he touched each of the coffins one last time before they were lowered into the ground.
Ai's mom and dad take care of them in the days before Auntie Jib and Uncle Chet arrive from Surat. Yu and Yo are allowed to take the whole week off from school, but when it's time for them to return, it's Ai's mom who comes over to make sure their uniforms are ironed and that they eat breakfast before leaving.
The house is weirdly quiet. Yo hasn't picked up his badminton racket since the day their parents died and his usual cheerfulness has faded, like a TV channel left on mute. Even with Auntie Jib and Uncle Chet around, the sounds of daily life are just different. He misses the sound of his mom singing under her breath while doing her makeup in the mirror, the heavy shuffle of his dad's footsteps as he lumbered to bed after falling asleep on the couch, even the silence of a shared glance when Yu and Yo were fighting, his mom and dad wordlessly deciding which one would deal with them.
When Yo finally does resume his badminton practice, Yu drags his feet going home from school, unwilling to return to the empty house any earlier than he has to.
Ai finds him on the swings at the local park. "Here," Ai says, standing in front of Yu's swing and thrusting something at him. "This is for P'Yu."
It's a card. Yu unfolds the white construction paper and he feels a lump forming in his throat. It's his family. Ai has drawn the four of them standing outside of their house, standing in descending height order, their stick figure arms reaching out and touching. He's added angel wings behind Yu's mom and dad, highlighter yellow halos above their heads.
"I miss your mom and dad too," Ai says.
"Thank you," Yu says, gripping the paper tight in his hands. "This is really nice."
"P'Yu, if it would make you feel better, you can put my underwear in the freezer or make me sit on a whoopee cushion at church."
"What?" Yu asks, letting out a laugh despite himself.
"I don't like seeing P'Yu sad," Ai says.
Yu swallows hard. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to wipe away the tears before they can fall. It's embarrassing to cry in front of Ai. "You know how you can help?" Yu asks.
"How?"
Yu pats the swing next to him. "Just sit with me."
Ai sits down, the metal chain creaking. In the distance, Yu can hear other children laughing and playing. For the first time in a month, Yu feels a little bit okay.
Yu is twenty and his nongs are growing up.
Of course, he's well aware that Yo is getting older. For one, Yo sat him down last year and announced, "Phi, I'm fifteen now. You don't need to take care of me all the time. You should get your own life." (Harsh, but the kick in the butt Yu needed to join the photography club at his university.) For another, Yo had a growth spurt over the summer that nearly closed the gap between him and Yu.
But just because the passage of time is inevitable doesn't mean that Yu is ready to raise a teenager and he's definitely not ready to stumble upon his brother horizontal on the couch with a classmate.
"Ahem," Yu coughs.
The two of them spring apart, scrambling to assemble themselves into a more appropriate position. Yu is mildly surprised that he doesn't recognize Yo's classmate, a skinny boy with braces; he always thought Yo was into Ai's friend, Ing.
The boy gives an immediate wai as Yo rubs at his eyebrow and looks away. "Hello P'Yu, I'm Teng."
"Nice to meet you," Yu says. "Your shirt is unbuttoned."
Teng leaves not long after, practically fleeing the scene. When he's gone, Yo huffs and slumps back against the couch cushions.
"You freaked him out," Yo says.
"How?"
"With your whole scary big brother thing. Your face."
"This is just what my face looks like," Yu says, but he does try to relax his frown. He sits down next to Yo. "When did you start dating?"
"We're not even dating," Yo mumbles. "We're just having fun."
"Does Teng know that?"
Yo rolls his eyes. "Yes, he does. It's not even that serious. Everyone my age is, you know. Dating, hooking up."
It doesn't matter that Yu was also sixteen when he started going on dates, when he had his first kiss with his lab partner, Sokaew, and when he got to second base with an older boy named Peak. It doesn't matter because in Yu's eyes, Yo is still the little brother crawling into his bed after a bad dream.
"Ai's not doing it," Yu says for lack of any better rebuttal.
"Yes he is. He told me he already had his first kiss."
Yu gapes at Yo. It's not like he's missed Ai growing up either (he barely let Ai live down his voice cracks a few years ago) but this just feels wrong, off limits. It doesn't make any sense. He wants to know who Ai is kissing—boys, girls, both? For some reason Yu thinks about Por, one of Ai's church choir seniors. They're always laughing and joking with each other.
"So see, don't be overprotective," Yo continues on, oblivious to Yu's disbelief. "And I don't need The Talk just because dad's not here."
And for a split second, a thought— one that is more startling than the idea of Ai out there kissing people—crosses Yu's mind: it doesn't make any sense because Ai is his.
Yu is twenty-three and he's fighting with his girlfriend.
Or maybe not fighting—that would be too intentional, too decisive. What's really happening is more like there's an awkward air hanging between them and neither of them are doing anything about it.
At the start, dating Pan had been easy. She was the most popular girl in the Comm Arts faculty and Yu was pleased when she noticed him, when she acknowledged his flattery ("P'Panpan, I think you'd be way better than that brand's current model") with a light slap against his arm or a shy smile. Their first date was to the aquarium and they kissed for the first time in the corner of the jellyfish exhibit, dark except for the neon glow of the fish.
When Pan graduated, she picked up a few jobs; a bit part in a skincare commercial, modeling for clothing brands on Instagram. It felt like enough at first, a foot in the door. She would come to Yu beaming with each new opportunity.
But now it's been over a year and despite her hustle, Pan's most notable work to date is still a commercial for kid's cereal. She puts on a brave face in front of casting agents and producers, but Yu can see the slump in her shoulders with every rejection call. He tries to be there for Pan, but it seems like defeat has turned their relationship brittle, the cracks in their foundation forming sharp edges.
They're not exactly fighting, but when Yu's boss suggests he add some portraits on film to his portfolio, he doesn't ask Pan. He doesn't bother asking Yo either, because Yo doesn't have any time for him these days. This leaves:
"You owe me," Ai says when he arrives at the studio.
"Many people would consider themselves lucky to be photographed by me," Yu says.
"Oh?" Ai asks, dropping his bag. He's come straight from university, wearing a crisp, white uniform shirt. It will be a nice blank slate, Yu thinks. "Why don't you ask them to model for you then?"
Yu smiles. It's fun when Ai teases back.
He positions Ai in the middle of the white backdrop, then checks through the viewfinder. "Can you turn your body to the left a bit?" Yu instructs, making minor adjustments as Ai shuffles around. "More towards me? Okay, then just kind of stare into the distance."
After a few shots of Ai standing, Yu grabs a stool, setting it close to the tripod for a more intimate portrait.
"Hey, P'Yu?" Ai asks as Yu swaps one lens for another.
"Yeah?"
"Is there something going on with you and P'Panpan? I just noticed you've been home a lot more these days."
Yu's fingers twitch against the camera. "Everything's fine," he says, twisting the lens until it clicks into place.
"You know, you can always come to me if you need someone to talk to."
"I know. Hey, do you mind if I—?" Yu steps out from behind the camera, gesturing at Ai's collar. Ai nods, and Yu goes to work straightening his collar. Ai's face is too open, too honest. Yu can tell there's more Ai wants to say so before he can, Yu asks, "What about you? Any relationship news?"
"No," Ai says, a little sheepish. "There's no one interested in me."
Yu moves onto Ai's hair, parting the curls covering Ai's forehead. "I find that hard to believe."
"Really?" Ai asks.
Ai looks up at Yu and their eyes meet, at which point Yu becomes suddenly aware of how close he's gotten to Ai. He has one hand balanced on Ai's shoulder and the other is brushing against Ai's forehead, the skin warm and smooth under his fingers.
Yu takes a big step backwards, managing to avoid tripping on the tripod. "I'm sure you'll meet someone soon," he says.
A look passes over Ai's face, something Yu can't quite read, and then Ai laughs it off. "Yeah, hopefully."
Yu is twenty-four and he's trying his best not to lose his mind. He has Ai underneath him, half-naked and hips pushing up against Yu, and all of the control that Yu has exerted over the last few months not to wake up humping Ai every time they've shared a bed together is fading rapidly. Like all he needed was the permission to stop being the responsible, respectful P'Yu for his horny brain to take over.
He's happy, too, and the affection bubbling up in his chest alongside his desire makes Yu laugh again, tucking his face into Ai's neck. He can't believe that they're here, that after all this time it's still Ai, the center of his attention.
"What?" Ai asks.
"Nothing," Yu says, and kisses one of the freckles on Ai's neck.
Ai draws in a soft gasp as Yu kisses lower, sliding his hands down Ai's chest as he goes, thumbs brushing Ai's nipples. He stops when he gets to Ai's waistband, looking back up at Ai just to check.
With some maneuvering, Yu gets Ai's shorts and underwear off. He takes a moment and sits back on his heels, looking at Ai, his soft stomach and thighs, his hard cock. Ai swats at him with his hand, ears and cheeks red, shy under Yu's gaze.
Yu lowers his mouth to the head of Ai's cock and Ai's hips twitch. Ai apologizes, and Yu reassures him with a pat on the thigh as he takes Ai in deeper, swallowing down. He wraps his fingers around the base of Ai's cock where his throat can't reach (not without some more recent practice, anyway), pumping with his hand and mouth in time until Ai whines his name.
"P'Yu," Ai says, shaking Yu's shoulder. "I don't want to come yet. I want you to be inside me."
And it's not like Yu is going to say no to that. He strips out of his own pants, nearly kneeing Ai in the balls in his rush. He crawls back to the top of the bed with Ai's blanket covering them, not wanting Ai to feel exposed.
Ai gestures to his side table. "There's stuff in the drawer."
Yu gets distracted for a moment with Ai right in front of him, kissing him again and again until Ai makes an insistent noise and Yu reaches for the drawer.
"Hey, Ai, you have to tell me if there's something you don't like," Yu says as his fingers trail down the curve of Ai's ass to his entrance.
"I know," Ai says. "Just put it in already."
Yu takes his time, though. His own cock is almost painfully hard but it's important to him to get this right, to make it as good for Ai as possible, to not let him down. He opens up Ai with his fingers first until Ai is relaxed, then Yu pushes his cock inside him. The heat and the tightness and the rush of Ai's whimpering breaths are almost too much at once. Yu grips Ai's side with his hand, pressing a quick kiss to Ai's back as he starts to thrust, and he thinks next time they'll do this with Ai on his back so Yu can watch Ai's face, catalog the expressions that go with the noises Ai is making.
Ai comes first with a gasping breath, his cock rubbing against the sheets. His muscles tighten around Yu's cock and then Yu is coming too.
He drops down against Ai, legs going weak. It's hot under the blanket and Ai's back is sticky with sweat and Yu is probably crushing him, but Ai doesn't seem to mind. He cranes his neck, barely able to reach Yu's mouth for a kiss. He's smiling, and even though it didn't last that long, Yu feels kind of proud. He made Ai come.
"Was that good?" Yu asks later, when he's unstuck himself from Ai's back and disposed of the used condom wrapped in a thick wad of toilet paper in the bathroom. They put a towel over the damp spot on the sheets because Ai said he couldn't risk running into his parents on his way to the linen closet.
"Really good," Ai says.
"Better than you imagined?" Yu asks.
Ai lets out a sharp laugh, then looks away sheepishly.
"What?"
"Nothing," Ai says, waving a hand. "Better than I imagined, yeah."
Yu doesn't question it further. "Good," he says, and pulls Ai in close.