the story about you x me: you're the first person i look for (2020)

[staygame]

you're the first person i look for (ao3 link, please see original work for author's notes) | the story about you x me, gu ze/ye ruchuan, teen, 1.4k words
tags: canon compliant (up to chapter 63), love confessions, no archive warnings apply

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When Ye Ruchuan finally does show up at the finish line, he's panting like he's the one who just finished a relay. "Are you okay?" he asks, gripping both of Gu Ze's shoulders as he looks him up and down. "I heard you got hurt."

"It's fine now," Gu Ze says, which isn't strictly true but—

"Come with me then," Ye Ruchuan says, and takes hold of Gu Ze's wrist.

Ye Ruchuan's grip is firm as he leads Gu Ze away from the athletic field. He doesn't say anything, even when Gu Ze asks where they're going, and Gu Ze's mind goes a little wild trying to fill in the blanks. Maybe Ye Ruchuan is taking him to Gong Yiran so they can announce their new relationship, maybe Ye Ruchuan is going to beat Gu Ze up for shoving Gong Yiran even though she deserved it. Maybe he's going to have his way with Gu Ze in the empty classroom, overcome with lust after seeing Gu Ze's athletic prowess. Maybe Ye Ruchuan is just hungry.

By the time Ye Ruchuan lets go, they're standing at the back wall. Ye Ruchuan is looking down at him, putting his extra centimeters to good use. Gu Ze can't read his expression, but then Ye Ruchuan has always been hard to read, a practice problem Gu Ze has never been able to figure out the answer to.

"Why did you tell Gong Yiran to stop talking to me?"

"I didn't tell her to stop talking to you," Gu Ze says, hoping that the petulance in his tone covers up the terror he feels at being found out. "She's lying."

"You tore up her letter," Ye Ruchuan says.

Gu Ze can't deny this.

"Why did you do that?"

"You told me you don't like anyone," Gu Ze says. He shifts from one foot to the other, his ankle giving a painful twinge. "I was doing you a favor by rejecting her."

"Why did you do that?" Ye Ruchuan repeats, taking a step closer.

A gust of wind blows between them, rustling strands of Ye Ruchuan's hair, and it feels so much like a dream Gu Ze'd had that he reaches down, pinching the skin between his thumb and fingers. It hurts. Not a dream. "Why did you decide to help me?" Gu Ze asks.

"I asked first," Ye Ruchuan says.

There is a part of him that's spent too long internalizing his dad's words—you make it hard for anyone to like you—but there's another, more indignant part of him that thinks, I never asked for you to get involved with me and this is all your fault, Ye Ruchuan. It's that second wolf inside him that propels Gu Ze forward, a hand on either side of Ye Ruchuan's face. "I don't want you to date her," Gu Ze says, and kisses him.

Ye Ruchuan makes a noise of surprise that's muffled against Gu Ze's mouth. Truth be told, Gu Ze has never kissed anyone before, but he's pretty sure the other person isn't supposed to stand there like a dead fish, so Gu Ze steps back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"What was that for?" Ye Ruchuan asks.

"What was that for?" Gu Ze repeats. He's going to kill Ye Ruchuan for real. "What is this, 20 questions?"

"Gu Ze-"

"I can't stop thinking about you, fuck," Gu Ze says, fists clenched limply at his sides. This was a mistake. He turns on his heel, even though he'd rather attempt to scale the wall with a bum ankle than walk back to the building, but Ye Ruchuan catches his wrist for the second time today.

"Gu Ze," he says again, tugging on Gu Ze's arm. "Look at me."

Gu Ze turns reluctantly, mouth set in a scowl. "What?"

"I like you," Ye Ruchuan says. His fingers go slack around Gu Ze's wrist, falling away. He looks almost confused by what he's said, his eyebrows knitted together and his mouth set in a frown.

This only serves to make Gu Ze more frustrated. His heart is racing and he doesn't know what he's supposed to think right now. He reaches out, presses his hands to Ye Ruchuan's shoulders, and shoves, not hard enough to knock him over or anything, but with enough force that Ye Ruchuan looks shocked instead of disturbed. "Do you have to sound so fucking miserable when you say it?"

Ye Ruchuan's expression softens slightly, not quite a smile. "I thought you were going to hate me."

I hugged you, Gu Ze thinks, I let you hold my hand. "Yeah, well, I don't think I could ever hate you."

"Can I try again?" Ye Ruchuan asks. "The kissing."

Gu Ze nods, even as his head feels dizzy. Ye Ruchuan touches his face with one hand, fingers brushing against the shell of his ear, thumb to his cheek, steadying Gu Ze. He leans in, close enough that Gu Ze goes cross-eyed focusing on his mole and then Gu Ze shuts his eyes. Ye Ruchuan kisses him softly, their lips slotting together with ease. This is what a first kiss is supposed to feel like.

Ye Ruchuan's mouth parts, pressing harder against Gu Ze's. Gu Ze brings his hands up to Ye Ruchuan's hips, settling against the waistband of his track pants. He wonders what it would be like to slip his hands under Ye Ruchuan's shirt and touch the lean muscle there, if Ye Ruchuan would let him.

"What are you guys doing?"

They break apart in an instant. Chen Baiqing pushes his glasses up his nose, grinning lecherously at them over the frames.

"Nothing," Gu Ze says.

"Why the fuck are you always around?" Ye Ruchuan says. Gu Ze remembers the time Chen Baiqing compared him to a cat with its tail stepped on. Not an inaccurate comparison.

"Chill," Chen Baiqing says, raising his hands in defense. "Your secret is safe with me."





That weekend, they end up back at Gu Ze's secret place. It had been Ye Ruchuan's idea. "Tomorrow, can you take me to the pond behind the middle school?" he'd asked the night before when they'd lingered outside the BBQ restaurant, neither of them wanting to go home yet.

As they climb the hill, Gu Ze remembers that their first trip here had been the first time Ye Ruchuan had held his hand. He reaches back for Ye Ruchuan's hand now, their fingers intertwining with a practiced ease. It's not quite dark, warm orange sunlight still visible on the horizon. There's just the sounds of their footsteps against the grass, crickets chirping around them, and if Gu Ze closes his eyes, he can imagine that he and Ye Ruchuan are the only two people in the world. That's why he likes this spot.

Gu Ze flops onto his back when they reach the top of the hill, gazing up at the dusk sky. Ye Ruchuan lies down next to him, close enough that Gu Ze can feel the warmth of his body, a solid presence beside him.

"I like it up here," Ye Ruchuan says. Gu Ze turns his head to the side, taking in Ye Ruchuan's dark eyebrows and his long lashes, and his heart thumps heavily in his chest. "Thank you for showing it to me."

That night had been the first time they'd hung out beyond the confines of the school, the first time that Gu Ze had felt compelled to tell Ye Ruchuan things he didn't even tell his closest friends. Maybe everything that had happened since was because Gu Ze had decided he didn't actually want to be alone and because Ye Ruchuan was there.

"I would've studied abroad," Gu Ze says, thinking about that night. He plucks up a fistful of grass. "I would've gone, if you hadn't told me to stay."

"Yeah?"

"Did you tell me not to go because you liked me?"

"I told you not to go because I thought it was what was best for you," Ye Ruchuan says.

"Oh," Gu Ze says. Another fistful.

"Because I meant it when I said I think you're amazing."

Tears prick at the corners of Gu Ze's eyes. He squeezes them shut, then rolls over, tucking his head against Ye Ruchuan's chest.

Ye Rechuan brings a hand down slowly, his fingers carding tentatively through Gu Ze's hair. "And also because I liked you," he says.